This is Kate in front of the Piggly Wiggly in Roland, Oklahoma.

This is Kate shooting a really big gun.

This is Kate shooting a smaller gun.

And that was just what she did to relax in the afternoons.  You should have seen her wrestle the water moccasins.

There’s no way somebody this cute could murder an innocent bunny rabbit, right?  I mean, I know the whole caught-red-handed-eating-the-bunny’s-face was sort of incriminating, but that’s not PROOF he committed murder.  The mangy black cat down the street could have totally planted that body in our garage. 

Really, the evidence is circumstantial at best.  And I spent most of my three years at law school reading romance novels, so I should know. 

 This picture is also worth a lot of words.

There are a few words here too:

I know we were supposed to talk about literary boyfriends, but frankly, Brad Pitt pictures are more fun.  Actually, maybe I should stop blogging altogether and JUST put up pictures of hot guys.   That’s not shallow, right?  RIGHT?

In fact, I’m so in love with Edward that I’ve decided to ignore all the pesky little details that might interfere with our relationship, like that he’s a vampire, or that I’m married, or that he’s not actually a real person.

INTERRUPTION: The Starbucks guys just gave me a piece of paper that says “We love you.  Get well soon.”  Hmmmn.  I wonder if that’s code for “Get the hell out,” since I’ve been sitting at this table for almost seven hours.  Oh, well.  It’s almost closing time now, so I don’t suppose it really matters.

Back to Edward—how could you NOT be in love with him?  He’s gorgeous, rich, brilliant, attentive, has impeccable manners, a tortured conscience, and plays the piano.  And if that isn’t enough to make you smitten with him, consider this: HE EVEN HAS BEAUTIFUL HANDWRITING.  How many guys do you know who have beautiful handwriting?  Here’s how many I know–ZERO.  Which is also the number of men who think I’m as fascinating as Edward finds Bella.  Which is EXACTLY the reason why I (and probably every other girl) are so enthralled with him.  It’s every woman’s fantasy for a beautiful, perfect man to hang on her every word and never get mad at her, no matter how many times she runs over her new cell phone with the car, or drops the replacement for the new cell phone in a vanilla latte, or accidentally flips the T.V. remote  into a glass of water.  Not that I have ever done any of those things, of course.  Those were strictly hypothetical situations.  Yeah . . .

Anyway, I’m a little embarassed to admit this, but Edward isn’t my first boyfriend.  Not anywhere close.  I have a LONG history of relationships with imaginary/and or real men I’ve never met.  Here, in random order, are some of my current and former flames (actually, they’re all current flames since I never totally break up with them): 

Harry Connick Jr. –hello, he’s from New Orleans and he plays the piano.

John F. Kennedy Jr.  No explanation necessary.  And no, I don’t care that he’s dead.

Paul Newman See Cat on a Hot Tin Roof and The Young Philidelphians.  Yes, he’s old; I don’t care.

Gale Harold  Brian Kinney is my favorite T.V. character EVER.

Julian McMahon Christian Troy is my second-favorite T.V. character EVER.

Bill Clinton    I have a thing for men with power, okay?  Plus, he’s brilliant.  AND, I’ve actually met him.   Not to mention stroked his hand inappropriately at a memorial service, right in front of his secret service agents.

Johnny Depp  Have you ever SEEN Johhny Depp?  Not to mention his movies?

Next time, I’ll reveal all my secret, literary boyfriends (because I know you’re all DYING to know who they are).

Oh, all right, so I still buy them, but I feel guilty about buying them.  Because once the magazine is actually in my house, I can’t stop myself from reading whatever Britney escapade they’ve decided to write about on that particular week.  When this whole Britney/K-Fed/Cheetoh debacle started two or so years ago, it was funny.  Hilarious even.  I mean, come on–the girl was a super-rich, international celebrity and she was walking into gas station bathrooms WITH NO SHOES ON.  Who wouldn’t find that entertaining? 

And then came the tacky wedding, and the back-to-back babies, and the continuing  but no less mystifying presence of K-Fed in his wife beater with his trucker hat turned at a jaunty angle.  Why was she still married to this guy? I kept waiting for the exclusive Barbara Walters interview where Britney would reveal that he was really a CIA agent using her connections to  investigate an international drug ring and that the out-of-work backup dancer story was just his cover.

Needless to say, that didn’t happen.  And now I feel sorry for her.  Like, REALLY sorry for her.  Because she’s not just some spoiled/wacked out celebrity; she’s sick.  And it’s not cool to use a sick person and their troubles as entertainment.

Lindsay Lohan, though, that’s another story.

Fortunately, I believe there is a cure to this strange and bewildering affliction.  By exposing yourself to adorable, affordable items on a regular basis, you can learn to love shopping (and by extension, fashion) as much as West.  Which is good because shopping is inevitable, right?  Like death and bad hair days.  Even if you avoid it like the plague, eventually you’re going to have to buy a Christmas present or a birthday present, or a boyfriend/girlfriend present.  And you certainly can’t show up at school naked, can you?  You have to put something on your body.  And why shouldn’t it be cute?

So, in the hopes of helping all the shopping phobics out there, check out these ADORABLE things from Target:

http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/ref=sc_pgb_r_2_0_321251011/601-0146800-0551361?ie=UTF8&frombrowse=1&asin=B000P50LVI   

http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/ref=br_1_1/601-0146800-0551361?ie=UTF8&frombrowse=1&asin=B000S94WXE

http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/ref=br_1_3/601-0146800-0551361?ie=UTF8&frombrowse=1&asin=B000RFS59G

http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/ref=br_1_12/601-0146800-0551361?ie=UTF8&frombrowse=1&asin=B000OFH9QO

Okay, I know everybody is going to be reading Harry Potter (including me!) for the next little while, but after we figure out whether Harry lives (please, please let him live) and if Dumbledore is actually dead (No!), go check out my new book my new book, Disenchanted Princess!

You can get it at Amazon.com, or your local bookstore.